The Day After Yesterday

Yesterday was abysmal.
That’s not even an exaggeration. In my string of at least a month’s worth of rotten days, yesterday hit new lows. 

I can’t even pit into words how bad it was. It was a day in which I began to question everything I thought I knew about myself professionally, and some of the things I thought I knew on a more personal level. 

It was a day of alternating between being in tears in my office and being in class pretending nothing was wrong.

If the fact that my students have no idea what I have been going through for the past five weeks is testament to my ability as an actor, then yesterday’s performance was nothing short of stellar.

Even leaving work didn’t help: things just kept getting worse.

Today has been better – not because anything has actually changed— it hasn’t at all— but because of the people who told me they believe in me.

It does not change the way things are, but it does empower and encourage me to keep going. For every person who has no faith in me, I have two who do. 

So, I’m going to soldier through it and get things done. I’m going to focus on the positives. And if people try to bring me down, I’ll show them what I’m made of, and then I’ll probably put them in a story and kill them gruesomely. 

Hey nonny nonny. 

2 thoughts on “The Day After Yesterday

  1. Hello, I chanced on 2 of your posts, & I thought they were brilliant, & painfully touching, (at least for me, as I’ve lived my whole life in almost never unrelieved depression). Now I want to know who you are, what you do, besides lecturing, (you allude to acting, but just now I can’t interrogate your online posts: depression robs everything, including energy & free will).. & why in one post, you were having such a rotten time. I’m an artist, (actually, had quite a bit of success),..who happens to have subject matter that’s accepted amongst composers of music (e.g. Taverner), but “forbidden” amongst painters. As mentioned, I have depression, for me a lifelong unwanted companion. Your words about being given courage, by those who believe in you, touched me, as I’ve said, & surprisingly deeply. Thank you.

  2. Hello, I just left a comment, re how much I liked what you wrote, & my depression, but in error, failed to tick “get response” – if any.. I’m going on memory only.. “by email”. I won’t be able to read any response except via email, would appeal for that to be added to my response to your post. Thank you.

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