Category: Things Kids Say

I tried.

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From time to time, teachers are asked to cover lessons for colleagues who are absent for some reason. 

Today I had the privelege of covering a Y10 Health and Human Development class.
They could have been discussing exercise, nutrition or health… but, no.

That would have been waaayyy  too easy. They had to be learning about male and female body parts and their functions. 

While I was busy asking myself why these lessons always seem to be handed to me, I was interrupted by a student asking a question.

Student 1: “What’s the cervix again?”
Student 2: “It’s the trapdoor thing that stops the baby coming out.”

Wait. The what??

Very diplomatically, I suggested he might like to look things up in a dictionary, or at least the printed notes they had been given to read and highlight. I don’t think he did, though. 

A little later, Student 1 had another question: “Are the uterus and the urethra the same thing?”

Again, I pointed him to the printed notes and the dictionary.

“How is that going to help me?” he asked. 

“How indeed?”  I thought to myself. 


I’m sorry, Miss K.  I tried. 

Out of the mouths of babes. 

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In church this morning, this conversation happened:

Pastor: “What can God do that we can’t?”

Kid #1: “Work.”

Pastor: “What kind of work can God do that we can’t?”

Kid #2: “Make things!”

Pastor: “What things?”

Kid #1: “Um… Trees?”

Kid #2: “Elephants.”

Kid #3: “Toilets!”

No prizes for guessing that the pastor wasn’t expecting that.

Not as deep as I thought. 

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My students were working on their assignments to create an original interpretation of the story of Beowulf.

All was quiet, until one said, “There’s no more music. Only death.”

I commented on how poetic that was, and asked if she was going to use that for the scene where Grendel attacks the Danes in their mead hall.”

She looked surprised.

“No… I had music notes in the picture and I took them out.”

 

Sigh.

Classroom crisis. 

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This afternoon in class, one of my Literature students commented that she didn’t know what she was doing.

“Do you need help with the task?”

“No, I mean generally…”

Her friend said, “She’s just existential crisising all over the place.”

I looked at her in amazement and said, “Wow!”

I don’t usually approve of verbing, but that was impressive.

Then she continued, “Yeah, but if you want to quote me on it,  you’ll have to sign our agreements and stuff…”
So here I am, quoting her anonymously.  I didn’t sign any contract, either.  

 

 

The Perils of Being a Teacher #23

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Today I’ve been given a Year 8 Maths class to cover for a teacher who is away. 

Maths. Seriously? 

I struggled with Year 8 Maths when I was in Year 8. I have no hope of appearing to master it now, no matter how good an actress or improviser I may be. 

So I advised the class: “I expect you to work quietly and stay focused on your work. If you need help, I strongly advise asking one of your classmates, because I am not going to be of any help to you.”

One boy raised his hand and asked incredulously, “Are you saying you can’t do Year 8 Maths?”

“What I’m saying,” I replied, “Is that my career as a teacher should be an encouragement to anyone who struggles in one area or another. You can be successful, even if something like Maths defies you.”

The strugglers in the class smiled, and everyone settled down to their work. They seem to know what they’re doing. 

Phew. Dodged a bullet there. 

As It turns out, I’m not funny. 

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As I was walking through the corridor to the library, one of my Y10 students smiled and said, “See you later’ alligator!”

I stopped her and asked if she knew the difference between an alligator and a crocodile.

Three Y3 girls nearby listened with interest. 

“Not really,” she said, “What is it?”

I answered with a grin, “One will see you later, and one will see you in a while.”

She rolled her eyes and groaned, and then one of the younger girls said, very loudly, “I don’t get it.”

“Yeah!” said one of her friends. “That’s a dumb joke.”

The third little girl, with a look of grave admonition on her face, said, “Teachers shouldn’t tell jokes when it sounds like they’re going to teach you something good.”
That’s me. Failing since 1.05pm today. 

Can’t get enough?

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Three Prep girls are playing “school” in the library. 

“Stop laughing and draw some socks!”
Too cute.

Not quite what he meant…

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Student essay “Quote of the Day”: “The wealthy people in ‘Pride and Prejudice’ have big houses, expensive horses and carriages, and big balls.”

I’m still laughing.

An Almighty Promotion

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I was in the auditorium setting up for tonight’s performance with Ryan, our sound and lighting guy.
Ryan went out to get some dinner while I kept working.

5.39PM
Person A: “Where’s Ryan?”
Me: “He’s on a mission from God.”

5.40 PM
Person B: “Where’s Ryan?”
Me: “He’s on a mission from God.”

5.41PM
Person C: “Where’s Ryan?”
Person B: “Ms X sent him to do sommething.”

I think I just got a promotion.
I’m looking forward to the pay rise.

Actually, what I really want is the superpowers.

Contentious. 

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Today I asked my senior English class to formulate some contentions drawn from the set text, Mary Shelley’s ‘Frankenstein’.

This is the submission from one group of students, and my responses. 

  
Gosh, I love these kids. 

Day made.