There were so many things I had planned to be doing this week.
As a horror author, promoting my books leading up to Halloween was always going to be a major focus. I had a major promotion and giveaway planned. I had a well crafted social media campaign organised. October was going to be my time.
As a teacher, my classes are continuing even though I am not there. Lessons need to be developed and delivered, and my students have exams coming up.
There are things I need to read and other things I need to write.
None of that is happening.
I am now home from hospital. I am moving and thinking very slowly, and trying to heal after spinal surgery. The local anaesthetic that was embedded in the site of my surgery and in the incision has worn off and I am feeling the reality of what my body has been through. My Fibromyalgia has also joined the pain train today, so while I am trying to wean myself off the fancy pain killers, the motivation to do so is less today than it was yesterday. My eyes don’t want to focus any more than my brain does.
I know this will not last. And I know I must be kind to myself while it does.
The writing, the work and the social media hamster wheel will all be there when things improve.
Yet I can’t help feeling frustrated by my slowness or inability to focus on anything. I am not accustomed to inactivity and my mindset is certainly not one that surrenders to pain. Yet that is exactly where I find myself.
The challenge for me is to accept where I am and be willing to rest instead of letting my frustration push me and ending up with sub-standard results.
The priority for today and the immediate future has to be self-care and self-preservation. My spine demands it. Everything else will just have to wait.
If you would like to encourage or support me, you could
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