Ten Ways We Can Start To Change the World For Our Kids. 

When I was 20, I pledged to never buy another women’s magazine.

Even then I was frustrated by the unrealistic body image they consistently communicated to women.  It wasn’t long before that extended to the “cool” publications like Cleo and Cosmo, which I had convinced myself were different because they provided helpful articles on makeup, health and other issues relevant to younger women.
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Okay, so I was deluded about that, but it didn’t last long once I observed that these magazines also projected false and unrealistic body images that neither I, nor most of the young women I knew, could ever hope to meet.
 For longer than anyone can remember, our western society has had  an unhealthy fixation on looks. We’ve been getting it wrong since long before Henry VIII married Anne of Cleves based entirely on her portrait and promptly divorced her the minute he met her in person, citing as his reason the fact that she looked like a horse.
And it’s only getting worse. Chlidren as young as five or six are no strangers to the words “cute”, “handsome” and even “sexy”. Pre-teen kids have body image issues and the eating disorders that go with them. Peer pressure and bullying are daily realities in every school and friendship group that our kids belong to. Marketing is aimed at wearing the right clothes, having the right look, and doing what everyone else does. Social media can take those problems right into kids’ own homes. And it happens to boys every bit as much as it happens to girls.
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When does a kid ever get a chance to be themselves?
 
All of this leads to one challenging question: How do we swim against the stream when the current is so strong?
My answer is that we need to invest differently in people.  We need to model much more healthy and constructive behaviour, and encourage others to do the same.
Let me say straight up that I don’t have kids of my own. I have, however, been very active in helping a lot of friends and family raise theirs. Our house has, quite literally, been a second home for more than a handful of teenagers over the years. I’ve also been a teacher, youth leader and mentor for almost thirty years. It’s this accumulated experience upon which I base these comments.

 

I don’t have all the answers. Nobody does.
But I do have a few ideas about how we can start.

 

This is my starter list:

10 Ways We Can Change The World For Our Kids

  1. Don’t put kids or other people down. Ever. I can’t stress this enough. Never tell kids, or anyone else, they are stupid, useless or worthless. Criticise a behaviour if you need to, but do not make it about the whole person.
  2. Stop buying into what the media tell us is ideal. Choosing not to surround yourself and your kids with unattainable ideals helps to take your focus off how far short we fall. This decision had a significant effect in my own life, so I am speaking from experience here.
  3. Stop commenting on how people look. Whether someone looks beautiful, tired, or exhausted, don’t say so. Don’t comment on whether someone has lost or gained weight – in this case especially, you can safely assume that they already know. Just don’t comment on anything external. Chances are, the less you comment on it, the less you will think about it. And the more you think and talk about those things, so will your kids.
  4. Instead, comment on things that have intrinsic value. Statements such as “I love it when you smile like that!” or “You did such a good job of that! Well done” can make such a difference to someone because they emphasise one’s value rather than looks. Saying “I really appreciate your kindness” (or any other value) reinforces that behaviour as well as encouraging the person who hears it.
  5. Discuss celebrities differently. Instead of saying “I wish I looked like that!”, discuss the positive qualities of a person or the character they portray. There will doubtless also be opportunities to discuss negative behaviours and messages. Be honest about the consequences those behaviours carry for real people, even if they’re made to look funny’ popular or “cool”.
  6. Don’t comment on your kids’ or your own health, weight or fitness. Make an effort to do something about it instead of commenting on it. Model behaviours for your kids that help to establish habits that will help you as well as them – provide better food, go for a walk, go to the gym together or take up a hobby together. It doesn’t have to cost more to be better for you.
  7. Discuss feelings and values in a positive and purposeful way. Not every feeling or experience shared will be positive, but honest discussion lets kids and young adults know it’s okay to not always feel great about things and teaches them ways to handle different emotions and experiences. This encourages self-awareness, but more importantly, it builds honest communication and relationship that both they and you will value enormously.
  8. Make an investment of time, more than money, in people, especially in your kids. It won’t matter to kids what they have if they feel unloved or undervalued. Take an active interest in each one and find out what matters to them.  Building a strong, loving relationship with your child is the best gift you can ever give them. It will bear fruit in every other relationship they have.
  9. Celebrate worthwhile achievements. “You did it!” should be more valuable than “You’re so pretty!”
  10. Be realistic and constructive about disappointments and failure. Make sure they know you care about their disappointment and hurt. Don’t tell them it doesn’t matter, because it does matter to them – at least for now. In time, they will be ready for you to help them see the bigger picture and refocus their efforts and priorities.
We can’t expect to change the whole world. However, we can influence the way they see themselves, and we can influence the way our own kids see, experience and respond to the world they live in.  

And there’s no better time to start than today.
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Silent Night by Alana Conway at Carols by Candlelight, Melbourne 2013

Christmas Eve was busy in our household.
We started with a family dinner which included the festive crackers that we would normally have on Christmas Day, as different members of our family were going different ways to be with other family the following day.
We had food to prepare for the big family lunch that we were planning to attend. We had presents to put under the tree.
We had to get Little Miss Chatterbox into bed and asleep, so that we could organise Santa’s visit in peace. Once that happened, we could start putting out the Santa presents for the family.
Before that, however, we chose to indulge in something that has long been a Christmas tradition in my family. We gathered around the TV, with only artificial candles to light the room, and watched the Carols By Candlelight being broadcast from the Sidney Myer Music Bowl in Melbourne.
Carols By Candlelight has become an Australian tradition. Singers and TV celebrities perform Christmas songs for a live audience, who are welcome to sing along, dance, and enjoy the show. There’s a fantastic choir, another choir full of children, and a magnificent orchestra. It really is fabulous viewing.
Of course, there’s a bit of commercial promotion for the companies that sponsor the production. Once you get past that, you can relax and really start to get into the spirit of Christmas.
Last night, watching and singing along was a welcome break in an incredibly busy day and night.
Among the fun, tinsel, and standard carols, there were a few standout performances.
The performance by Alana Conway of “Silent Night” was my favourite. It was simple and beautiful, and absolutely took my breath away.
It also reminded me, in all my hustle and bustle, of the simplicity of the message of Christmas – on a silent night, with nobody “important” taking any notice, Jesus was born to a simple peasant girl. He came as the Messiah to bring life, healing and grace to a world that was broken by sin.
Please don’t be offended by that statement – I do realise that some people might be. 
I’m not here to push my faith onto you or to insist you believe as I do.  I’m just reflecting on my experiences last night and how they affected me in terms of my attitude and my perspective.

This gentle reminder really changed my perspective and feelings about what I still had to do that night. Every gift I gave was a reminder of the gift that God gave us on that silent night in Bethlehem. Every song I sang along with was a reminder of God’s love and grace. Every message to a friend was a reminder of the blessing they have been to me. Every gift placed under the tree brought anticipation of the response of the recipient. Everything was full of joy, even though I was exhausted.

It doesn’t take much to remind us of the important things in life. I’m so glad of the reminder that was delivered so breathtakingly last night.

I hope the video blesses you the way it blessed me.
I hope for some of the peace, joy and reflection of Christmas to be yours today and always.