Today, for reasons of my own that do not need to be shared publicly, this song is playing in my head.
Screenshot: The Chicks — Not Ready To Make Nice
Don’t get me wrong: I firmly believe in forgiveness. Even if the other person never knows I have forgiven them, it’s important for myself spiritually and emotionally to move on from carrying that burden.
That does not always mean I can trust them again.
Contrary to what the platitudes say, time does not heal all wounds and forgiveness does not erase the memory.
It is also important, both spiritually and emotionally, that I protect myself and those I love from harm. If that means not giving someone the means to damage me or my family again, then that is what I must do.
I can be civil without letting a toxic person into my life or my home. Those barriers are not coming down.
I can let others have a friendship or relationship with that person if they are determined to do so, but if I see that they are in danger of experiencing significant harm, I will speak up or stand between them if I must.
I know that many of my Christian friends and family would say that my forgiveness is incomplete. They might suggest I am not showing love.
I would argue that sometimes the kindest and forgiving thing you can do for a person is to stay right away from them. I would also argue that neither God nor the nature of forgiveness itself demands that one must become a doormat or a willing receptor of someone else’s malignity.
There are a handful of people about whom I have made that decision over the course of my life, and I am confident that in each situation, slamming that door firmly and permanently shut is the best thing I could have chosen to do about it.
Sometimes, you just have to leave certain people behind and move on.
Not Ready To Make Nice #forgiveness #selfcare #Boundaries
It’s been a rough week, both emotionally and physically. Sleep has been patchy, which isn’t unusual for me, and my back pain has been relentless.
Naturally, my fibromyalgia decided to join the pain party with some extra bass beats and neon flares of its own.
Yesterday I chose to work through it. I’m a teacher working from home and my students are depending on me. It’s not that easy for substitute teachers to step into a remote learning classroom and make things happen the way I want them to. And, you know, I didn’t have to drive to school, which helps when you wake up in crushing pain. My classes were great, and spending ninety minutes with Genghis Khan in my Year 8 History class was a good distraction.
When my classes finished, I had to go to town to pick up my much needed new glasses, I’ve been struggling with eye fatigue while doing so much remote teaching, and it’s fair to say that the curriculum planning and lesson preparation don’t stop just because we’re working off campus. It was a 45 minute drive, but I just went there, got my glasses, and came home. I am not interested in shopping or spending any more time around people than I need to right now.
When I got home, I rested. Dinner was easy – the soup was already made, and just waiting for us to enjoy it with a spinach and feta bread twist.
I really hoped the evening of rest would be enough to make the pain flare back off.
Nope.
So, by necessity, this weekend has to be a quiet one.
My new glasses are great, but I’m not going to be spending much time on screen. I’d love to read a book, but my hands hurt too much to hold one for long.
So, I will do what needs doing, and that’s it. I have a couple of new podcasts to road test, and then I’m going to indulge in an audiobook. I’ve got my recliner, my quilt, my cat, and the sound of rain falling outside.
Choosing my content is important for my mental and emotional wellbeing. I’m taking care to exclude anything negative, so I’m avoiding the news and social media. Throughout the whole Covid-19 pandemic and working from home experience, I have found that to be a good strategy for keeping my mental and physical spaces positive and healthy.
I’ve also got my pain medications handy in the drawer just beside me, because those things are my friends. It’s all well and good to be idealistic about managing pain and not relying on drugs, but on flare-up days, there is absolutely zero chance of that happening. A girl has to do what a girl has to do.
I get it. We’re at home, our kids are home, we can’t go anywhere, so let’s stay in our pyjamas all day! Right?
Wrong.
When everything else in the world is in limbo and the rules are changing on a weekly — or daily — basis, it’s really important for our health to keep some kind of routine and not let the basics fall by the wayside.
Yesterday, I mentioned that taking care of ourselves is one of the positive things we should all be doing. While everyone’s situation is unique, there are some commonsense strategies for taking care of ourselves which are particularly relevant during the disruption to our regular routines by the corona virus lockdown.
Nutrition matters. It’s tempting to live on pizza, chocolate and peanut butter sandwiches, but being sure we eat well and nourish our bodies properly is crucial to maintaining good health. The healthier we are, the more resistant we are to germs of any kind, and the recovery from any bug we might pick up will be quicker. Not only that, but we’re going to have to go back to work sooner or later, and it would be good if those business suits or uniforms still fit when that time comes.
Hydration is also crucial to keeping the body healthy, but most of us don’t drink as much water as we should. It was only when I started keeping track of how much I was drinking in a day that I realised how far short I had fallen from what my body actually needed on a daily basis. Remember, too, that alcohol is a diuretic, so for every beer or glass of wine, we need to drink more water. For a great discussion on how much water we need to drink, listen to this interview from ABC Australia.
Exercise is similarly important, and for more reasons than just not bulking out while we’re hibernating. Exercise is good for the brain and the emotions as well as the body, so even when we can’t leave home, it’s important to walk, or get on the treadmill, toss a ball with the dog, follow a cardio or dance video tutorial, or get into stretching and yoga. Even cleaning out a cupboard or doing some gardening qualifies. There are lots of options for people to pursue at home, and your exercise can be as gentle or vigorous as you want it to be so there’s no excuse for staying in bed or living on the couch for the foreseeable future.
While it has been widely publicised that sunlight will kill the corona virus doesn’t like the sunlight, that is not actually true. Even so, it dos kill other germs and bacteria. Stepping outside the house and into the fresh air and sunshine is highly beneficial for wellbeing. You don’t have to go far – just into the yard will do if you can’t or don’t want to go any further. While people who live outside the city are at a definite advantage here, most neighbourhoods have parks, gardens or reserves where you can go and walk without being in close proximity to anyone else or even touching anything. Letting light into your house is important, too. it helps you maintain a natural circadian rhythm, and therefore promotes better sleep hygiene.
Personal hygiene may seem mundane, and there are probably people out there who are treating it as optional, but showering every day, wearing deodorant, and taking care with presentation is an important part of taking on each day with a positive attitude. It’s psychologically proactive and It makes a difference to our physical health and wellbeing. Just as importantly, it makes you much more pleasant to be around. You might just be at home with your family, but they are actually the most significant people in your life. If you couldn’t be bothered doing it for yourself, do it for them.
Maintaining a routine is also a very positive psychological strategy. If you normally work from 8.30 til midday then break for lunch, try to do that at home, too. You might have some interruptions, or you might be sharing a workspace, but it’s a powerful way to model to other people, especially kids, that keeping going in times of adversity is both possible and beneficial. It also keeps the brain trained for returning to work when the time comes, and gives you a great sense of satisfaction of achieving something each day.
Similarly, keeping your home spaces clean and tidy promotes health by not giving the germs a foothold. Do the laundry, wash the dishes, and clean the surfaces regularly. That way, things are easily maintained without turning into hard labour.
Relaxation should be part of every day. Whether it’s reading, crafting, meditation, writing, doing a puzzle or listening to music or a podcast, spend some time each day in quietness and peace. If your kids aren’t good at quietness and peace — and many are not — now is a better time than any to model positive mindfulness and teach them some strategies they can use. They should also be learning to respect your need for some downtime, too. They may be getting frustrated, but it’s actually not all about them.
In keeping with all of this, my own personal strategies include are:
Maintaining my regular morning routine: get up at a reasonable hour, shower, dress, have breakfast, and then get into the things I need to do each day.
Creating an achievable “to-do” list for each day. It helps me organise myself, and ticking things off the list is incredibly satisfying.
Sticking to my usual school timetable as much as possible when I’m working from home. I’m a teacher, so there’s always plenty I can do. I have to take care not to let work consume the entirety of each and every day. A routine helps me to manage that more effectively, and keeps me on task this week as I’m working to get done what I need for the beginning of Term 2.
During the scheduled term break of two weeks leading up to Easter, I need to ensure I have the break I have earned. There will be some school work to do — there always is — but I will not be working the whole time.
Spending time outdoors every day. I can choose to work in our courtyard, spend time in the yard with the dog and talking to the sheep over the fence, or spend time in one of the parks in town. Mixing it up from day to day is how I roll.
Eating properly. The temptation to snack all day is huge, and having dropped a few dress sizes since August, that’s not a habit I want to get back into. I’m shopping strategically – I go only when I need to, and when my resolve is strongly in favour of buying apples rather than chocolate.
Punctuating between activities by drinking a glass of water.
Maintain my regular habit of reading for at least an hour a day.
Self Care At Home During the #CoronavirusLockdown #mentalhealth #HealthandWellbeing #selfcare #Priorities #stayinghome
While many of us are staying in and working from home in the interests of slowing down this drafted virus, there are some important positive things we should all be doing at this time of social distancing and isolation during the time of Covid-19.
The good news is that you don’t even have to leave home to do them.
Some of the positive things we should all be doing include:
Check on your older family members. They are susceptible to loneliness at the best of times, and this is definitely not the best of times.
Check on your extroverted family members and friends. They are probably already a little stir crazy, and it’s nowhere near over yet.
Sincerely thanking everyone you know who works in the health profession, in a supermarket or pharmacy, or who drives a truck delivering the produce and goods that we are all relying on. They are the ones making it possible for us to stay home and stay safe.
Share encouragement, kindness, and support, instead of germs. Wouldn’t it be great if we could make that stuff go viral?
Social media is full of parents who have suddenly found themselves homeschooling their kids and wondering what level of purgatory they have landed in. Now is a great time to send a message of thanks to your kids’ teachers, acknowledging what an incredible job they have been doing.
Take care of yourself. Nutrition, hygiene, exercise, and fresh air and sunshine are all super important.
Sharing great ideas and resources for things to entertain, teach, inspire and motivate. It’s not just kids needing something constructive to do— there are plenty of bored grownups out there, too. Can you imagine how different a place Facebook and Twitter might be if we filled them with cool posts to help each other instead of all the complaints that seem to be there?
When a friend shares something good on their feed, give it a thumbs up or a heart, and share it around. If you enjoyed it, you can bet there’s someone else out there who will benefit from it, too!
Support local small business. Now more than ever, your local stores need your support. When you have to go out and restock the pantry or replace something that has broken, buy local, support your neighbourhood businesses, and keep the community going. It can’t be said often enough: your $50 or $100 won’t actually mean much to a huge multinational company, but it will make an enormous difference to a family business that is endangered in this current economic climate. You’ll help to feed or clothe someone’s kids, or keep the lights on.
These might sound like quite basic ideas, but it’s so easy to lose sight of the forest for the trees when things seem dire. A bit of positivity here and there adds up to a mindset that can completely change your day, or your perspective. Give it a go!
Positive Things We Should All Be Doing While #StayingHome #StayHomeandStaySafe #positive #stayingpositive #PositivePosts
To many people right now, the world seems like it is in crisis in the wake of the corona virus outbreak. Those of us old enough to remember SARS, swine flu and H1N1 tend to understand more of the reasons for that than our kids do, even if we still don’t understand why toilet paper is worth pulling a knife on someone,
To many of our kids and teens, though, it seems like some kind of madness has taken over. As concerts, sports, social events, classes and rehearsals have been brought to a screeching halt as they look on, some of them are starting to buy into the fear that they have seen expressed on TV, in social media, and among some members of the community.
That hit home really personally on Sunday when our theatre company told the cast that we had decided to hit the pause button and defer our production of Little Shop of Horrors that was due to hit the stage in May.
“This whole thing sucks!” one young cast member said. “I know!” another replied. “It’s taking all the joy out of life!” “I get it, though,” responded the first one. “We have to keep people safe. But it’s making a lot of people really miserable at the same time.”
She was 100% correct. I am feeling really miserable about it, too. That’s completely natural.
We will do the show — we just can’t say when. For now, rehearsals are suspended and we all find ourselves with a lot of extra time on our hands that we had been putting into working together for a common goal.
At a time when many of us are being isolated from the activities we love and the company of others who enjoy those same things, how do we stop the molehills of grief turning into mountains of misery?
That’s a really big question, and I don’t profess to have all the answers.
I do know that it’s important to find ways to encourage and motivate each other. It’s important to monitor and support each other’s emotional and mental health.
So, here are just a few suggestions for possible ways to lift the spirits of the young people in your life during the disappointments and challenges caused byCovid-19:
Acknowledge their feelings. It’s quite natural to feel disappointed and a bit annoyed at the number of things being cancelled, postponed or banned. Instead of telling them to “suck it up” or “take it on the chin”, tell them you understand, and that you’re feeling similar things too. Empathy will always win more favour than platitudes.
Involve them in the family decision making about social distancing, self-isolating and dealing with the practicalities that follow. Knowing that they have been listened to, and having some ownership of the decisions and plans that are made, will reduce feelings of resentment, anger and rebellion.
Praise and thank them for their maturity in accepting disappointments. A bit of intrinsic motivation goes a very, very long way with young people.
Give them responsibility appropriate to their age and ability. It could be anything they feel is important and worthwhile: preparing a meal, keeping a particular area of the house clean and sanitised, disinfecting all the door handles in the house each day, or calling grandparents or other family members on the phone to support and encourage them.
Limit the amount of “fear language” you allow in the house. This might mean not watching the 6pm news on TV as a family, discussing what members of the family will allow on their social media feeds, and discussing things in a responsible way. Be honest about your feelings, but try to phrase your responses to the virus and consequent changes and limitations using positive and proactive language like “social responsibility” and “doing out part to protect the vulnerable” instead of using terms like “lockdown”, “corona virus jail” or “panic”.
Encourage them to find constructive ways to use their spare time. ‘Netflix and chill’ is okay, but not all day, every day.
Self-isolation does not have to be completely isolating. Hanging out with friends in person may not be an option, but there are ways to socialise beyond the regular social media platforms where kids are likely to hear a lot of “doom and gloom” about the current situation. Try Skype calls or Google Meet, which enable people to spend time, chat, and still see each other, all from a distance.
Give them something to look forward to. Discuss and make plans for activities, holidays, or celebrations that will happen once the need for social distancing and self-isolation has passed. Anticipation of something good is a powerful antidote to feeling as though all the fun things have been taken away.
Ask for their expert help. Whether it’s compiling a great playlist on Spotify, learning how to use Instagram or Snapchat, finding a great app or game for your phone or tablet, or ordering groceries or pizza online, older kids and teenagers are likely to have those skills down to a fine art. Even if you have a fair idea how to do those things, ask them anyway.
While there is obviously no perfect solution, it’s important that we continue to try to find positive and healthy ways to deal with the limitations and restrictions that are being put in place.
While I may not have stockpiled pasta, toilet paper, hand sanitiser and baked beans since the novel corona virus Covid-19 has made its presence felt around the world, I have been thinking about ways to stay positive during the pandemic.
As someone who already lives with anxiety and chronic conditions, I know from personal experience that negativity can be as detrimental to one’s health as a virus. I fully agree that we need to be cautious and wise, but I refuse to despair or panic. I don’t think that’s going to help anyone— especially myself.
So, let me take this opportunity to point out some things that it’s important to remember when we’re all trying to avoid either getting sick or contaminating anyone else.
Good hygiene is always good practice, not just during a global health crisis. It has struck me as ironic more than once that The Jetsons told us the 21st century would bring us robotic housekeepers and flying cars, but here we are, still telling people how important it is to wash their hands. Using soap. And to dry them thoroughly. And to not put their fingers in their nose or their mouth. And… yeah.
Self-isolation means keeping one’s distance from other people, not locking oneself in a room and eating canned peas for the duration. You can go out in your car, or ride your bike, or walk your dog, without being in contact with other people. You could walk through a park in the sunshine, breathing fresh air and enjoying different scenery, without breathing anyone else’s air or touching any surfaces with your hands. I can spend time in the yard with my dog.
Communication and contact are really important for our mental and physical wellbeing, so we must not let those things fall by the wayside just because we are avoiding physical contact. We can stay in touch with my family and friends using phone, instant messaging or social media.
Time alone does not have to equal boredom. Ask any introvert: there are myriad ways to entertain oneself, even before involving a screen of any kind in the process. Books are always my go-to, and writing is something I always want more time to do. There are also puzzles, art, music, and exercise people turn to as productive and enjoyable ways to spend time. Even once you pick up a device, it doesn’t just mean TV, movies and games. This might be a great time to take up that old guitar or ukulele, improve your cooking or DIY skills using YouTube videos to show you how. You could start learning a new language – or resume learning one you’ve let slip – using one of the great apps available.
You might be dreading a couple of weeks on your own, but some people spend most — or all — of each day alone all the time, and that’s not their choice, either. Elderly people in particular find themselves alone far more than they wish to be. They are probably more fearful of the virus than most healthier, younger people, and with good reason: they are more susceptible to it, after all. A bit of extra time on your hands is an excellent opportunity to give Grandma or Granddad or Great Aunt Edith a call. Say hello, have a chat, and make sure they’re okay. It’s a little bit of joy and encouragement that might make all the difference in how they cope with the extensive media coverage and the fear that can easily generate in older folk. There’s every chance it might make your day a bit better, too.
There is no more danger posed by the Asian people in your neighbourhood than there is by anyone else, especially if they’ve been living there as long as you have. Sure, the virus may have first come to light in China. That doesn’t make Mrs Wang in Number 14 a carrier, and it doesn’t give anyone the right to swear at her or accuse her of being responsible for the plague. That may seem tongue-in-cheek, but that very thing happened to a friend of mine last week, and she’s not even Chinese. I may be judging my fellow non-Asians harshly, but I figure if that’s happening in regional Australia, it’s probably happening everywhere. This also applies to the Italians, Koreans, and every other cultural group in your community. People are people, regardless of their cultural heritage, and now that Covid-19 is everywhere, being a jerk about someone’s origins is no more justifiable than it ever was. Which it wasn’t. Ever.
Not everyone who has cold or flu-like symptoms is going to have Covid-19. Some will have a regular cold, some will have the flu, and some will just have allergies, which aren’t contagious at all. Here’s a handy chart from the World Health Organisation to help you know who to avoid because they’ll give you a cold, or because they’ll give you the flu, or because they might actually have that nasty new virus.
Everything Jodi Herlick has written here is true: the snark, the realism, and especially the advice about self-care. Her words provide a very real reflection of my own writing experience.
Whatever your experience is, whatever your writing pace, and whatever the other demands on your time, each of us can only do what is achievable within our individual limits.
The takeaway is this: You do what you need to do, and write your own way when you’re ready. None of that is for anyone else to judge.
We’ve all heard the well-intentioned advice: Write every day. It always seems to be spewed by privileged people who have a flexible schedule or a stable income without a day job or who have somehow managed to eschew all other commitments. And while there’s truth to the advice–I certainly find that writing is easier when I’m doing it consistently–for most of us, the pressure only leads to a cycle of despair that actually reduces our creative output.
So if you’re not one of the privileged few, here are some tips for getting all that daily writing in:
Find yourself a wealthy significant other/sugar daddy/sugar mama/patron who will support your daily writing habit, and maybe buy you bonbons to munch on too.
Wake up three hours early and get your writing in before your day job. Then hope that no one notices that you’re sleeping at your desk or in front…
I often wonder why “Just Say No” became a catchphrase among those trying to teach kids and teens to resist poor examples, negative influences and bad habits. It’s not always that easy or so straightforward. Peer pressure, family expectations, social engineering and a desire for job security have all taught us to take the path of least resistance — which can actually be a really unhealthy thing.
Among all the different people in this world, there are two groups who invariably find each other: those who have trouble saying no, and those who take advantage of them.
You know it. I know it. And we all know which of the two groups certain friends and family members fall into.
This quick and quirky self-help guide to saying no more effectively provides insights and tips on how to say “no” so that others know you mean it, and thereby reclaim your freedom from those who would readily exploit your generosity.
If you find it hard to say no to people, but really want to… this is the book you need.
Over the past few months I’ve been making changes to my social media usage in an effort to take better care of myself.
I have for quite some time now had a pattern of posting, responding to other people’s posts, and then looking for posts of value or interest to share. While those are all great things to do, I came to realise that I needed to put some limits on how much I did of each.
It’s so easy to get sucked into the mentality of thinking that we have to be perpetually present, always available, and never really “switched off”. That way of thinking is a lie— and a dangerous one at that. It’s a really unhealthy pattern that leads to a sense of social obligation that is really hard to break.
Sure, we all want to interact with friends, respond to their posts and see what’s interesting out there in cyberspace. We all want to share our own posts and, for those of us who are authors or other types of Indie creative, we need to promote our work.
That doesn’t mean that we have to do it constantly.
Consequently, I’ve made some changes. I have chosen to take control of my social media, instead of it controlling me.
I’ve cut down the number of times a day I check my various social media. I have found that checking in a couple of times a day is actually just as effective as checking in far more frequently.
I’ve made a deliberate effort to reduce the amount of time spent scrolling through my newsfeed. Scrolling through when things are new and there are people and posts I want to respond to is fine, but the mindless scrolling that often followed wasn’t helping me get things done. Once again, I have found that I’m interacting just as much, but wasting less time and energy in between.
If I need to post something in between as I often do, I post it, check my notifications for anything important, ignore anything that can wait until later, and leave again.
The verdict:
I feel a lot less distracted and far less pressured to “perform” on social media.
I’m using my time more constructively without losing out on contact or interaction with others.
I’m resting better. Because there’s less “white noise” in my thoughts, I can get the peace I need to relax.
Making my social media work for me is far better than me trying to fulfill its never ending demands.
I’m not saying I have total control of the circus, but at least now I am a lot closer to directing the show.
The blogpost ‘Only Way Out’ by Allison Marie Conway moved me powerfully.
This is me. This is the power writing has over me. It is my therapy. My escape.
And yet, lately, a deep, overwhelming sadness that has wrapped its weighty fingers around me, constricting my thoughts and paralysing my creativity.
“Give yourself time. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. Be patient.” I keep telling myself these things, hoping to make myself small enough and relaxed enough to slip from its grasp.
I will get through this. I will write my way out of it yet.
WordyNerdBird 